The sky is marvelous beyond
the striping lines of electrical wires
strung between uprooted, naked trees
like those skies out west
that I danced naked under, took cold showers under,
let my hair whip in the wind under
The colors blur beyond my tears
I want to ask god for guidance
but I can’t trust a god who’d give me a heart like this
let it get crushed under the guise of love
Can’t trust a god who says he formed me
by hand, and won’t answer a single whispered prayer
This god of my childhood has only ever been
the kind to trick a child until they cry
I cry, no god answers
I’ve touched holy dirt and holy water, brought it to my heart, said
let this transform me, I want to be transformed
But it’s the common and vulgar that feels most sacred
An Italian man pours wine for me, tells me
do whatever the fuck you want
My breath catches like I might come
as I plunge into an ice cold mountain lake
I lock eyes with the golden glare of a
disdainful coyote, feel seen, feel clean
Don’t think I haven’t sat in a pew long enough
to understand
I cry, no god answers
But the sky is marvelous